You're happy.

Don't bother reading. It became a rant journal.

I can see you're happy. I'm so glad for you. You're a freaking pedophile though. Pathetic. Here I am complaining when I should just go and fucking end myself. I get so tired of waking up in the morning. And yet here I am.

How do suicidal people do it?

There are plenty of psychologists that say why it happened. And everyone else reasons that the person was just lonely. That s/he had no one to talk to. And you know what. Suicide is so selfish, that that's why the Catholic bible says you go to hell.

You know what? I'm the most fucking selfish asshole out there. I'm so full of pessimism and I keep acting like I'm not. I say I'm super optimistic. I say I care about everyone. I say I love all people. I say all these fucking lies. But you know what? It's because I'm selfish. I want everyone to think I'm selfless. I want everyone to think I'm good. I WANT everyone to say I was so full of wonderful things. And when I fucking off, haha. Fuck you all for being there.

I have a counselor. I have friends. I have so much going for me. But I don't have a reason. I'm wasting precious air for a fucking reason.

I will not have children or get married. I know it. Because I'm stuck like this. And I know what you're thinking. "Grow the fuck up" or perhaps "What a fucking downer, cheer up." Go for it. Say it, cause it makes suicidal bastards like me wanna off even more.

Say I need help. I don't care. Because I'm growing so tired. Tired of losing friends. Tired of losing what I want. I'm a fucking downer. God, please kill me. Burning in hell.